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('Cause Letdown Funk Gon' Give It To You)
Fall was bountiful with big goals, big plans, big decisions, big moves. But by the first of the year, it all felt like a big letdown. I had fizzled out, lost focus. I turned forty-seven without much fuss. And during the last long week of the January, every day felt like it should be the last day of the month. I'm now questioning if it's really February.
Winter was meant to unwind before the whirlwind. A time to curl up on the couch and watch the world become a wonderland out our windows. Not wanting to miss the stillness of snowfall, I gathered up a few craft projects and school supplies from the freezing garage and put the studio in hibernation mode. Once the snow melted, then we would spring back into action. But the snow arrived late and disappeared in temperatures nearly twenty degrees warmer than last year. The unseasonal conditions are a reminder of the stressful historic drought and record-breaking heat which sparked extreme wildfire danger in our rural forested town only a short while ago.
Checking the extended forecast for February every fifteen minutes is futile. Abundant sunshine. I start to itch. Not sure if it's the dry air or anxiety. I accept that winter is coming to an end, but the abrupt and premature departure is jarring. I wish we were easing into the change of seasons slowly, more mindful. For my mental health, it would be nice to have more of the quiet that gray weather brings. I know it may sound silly that waking to sunny skies can make for dark days, but it's no joke.
So how to get back to those auspicious days of autumn?
By moving ahead.
It's putting one foot after another. In fact, I'm doing this literally with my nightly treadmill routine. It's 20-40 minutes of walking in place to let my mind wander to figure out a way out of this unfulfilling holding pattern. Right now, that means setting some bite-size short and long-term aspirations.
I'm still hopeful for that big change, though.